Story #165

I’m so proud to call him mine, for he is endlessly beautiful, deep and pure. Having found the key to my heart I gifted him this present. As if it is the most important thing in the world I elevate this ceremony into the realm of spirituality. I roam my spirit and look for memories of love – coming back from this reflecting I weave all fragments into a new whole, into a story I live and breathe life into.

I call him my baby because I’ll try to love him unconditionally, like a mom loves and naturally nourishes her offspring; in the same way I want to tend to his needs, want to fulfill his wishes. His wish is for him to know love, and I show him what it feels like to be loved by a certain special person – he in turn teaches me the joy of giving myself over to another. To retreat from this battlefield and to come home to this safe and secure embrace we offer each other – in this lies fulfillment. I was happy, but he makes me feel euphoria I had forgotten about a long time ago. It completes me.

As we are all screaming for and dreaming about something I feel I am on to something. We think we long to feel loved, however, what we really feel is the need to love. We wish for to indulge ourselves in the pleasure if embracing all there is to embrace about another, to get to know every nook and cranny of their reflective and stunning psyche. Frankly, his psyche stunned me, and now all I can do is watch in awe as our story unfolds itself. It may be long, it may be short, but one thing is for sure: it will stay with me forever, having changed me I shall never forget this revelation.

If the one exists… He is probably it. As close as I’ll ever come to finding the one; having found him I feel I can finally release all this love I have been waiting to let go of, have been wanting to share. And him accepting these feelings of true affection is like a unique gift to me, inspiring me beyond imagination, touching me and lifting me up into an imaginairy realm for us both to exist in – our world is to be created; for love shall procreate, if not in material sense then always in spiritual sense – to be a lover is to embrace what is. For how can I expect to be loved without being a lover?

I was listening to this particular song before and suddenly I felt like I was about to cry. I was feeling something I hadn’t felt in a long time, and it made me remember everything about that feeling. I have been severely ill and was deemed lost. I had to take these numbing pills. I was so depressed that I barely felt anything anymore. There was just this constant death wish. Now, there is a completely different wish, I seem to have crossed to the other side so to speak.. There is a wish to love and to nourish instead of to destroy. It makes me feel complete, knowing there is a future for me – a future that can be brighter than I ever thought it would be. So I expose my naked body – I accept it, knowing it is accepted by him whom I love.